Operation: 365

Living with Decisions

2012-01-11T03:58:00.000-08:00

I must get the negative out before the positive.

How can people live with themselves? When I was 18, I moved out of my house and started making decisions - good and bad - and I've been living with them since then. I got married, I bought a house, I bought a car, I go to school - slowly but surely - and I have a full-time job with excellent benefits. Call me crazy but it feels good not having to rely on anyone for anything. I pay my own bills, I run my own errands, and I'm busy as hell everyday. I still make time for my family, though, and not only when I need something. I'm undoubtedly going to have people that are the opposite of this in my life forever. However, I don't care about them. The ones I care about are the ones that are related to me. That pisses me off. My New Year's Resolution has a theme of Health, Wealth, and Happiness. The people that do not support that effort, knowingly or not, no matter how cheesy they think it is, will have to step aside. One of two things is going to have to happen and is going to have to happen fast. This person will either have to come clean to everyone, stop lying, stop taking money from my family, and start behaving like a normal adult or I'm going to slowly cut this person out of my life. I don't have time for negativity anymore. I don't have the patience or the stomach for it, either.

On a lighter note, I booked my tickets to Florida yesterday! I can't wait to go visit my grandparents. I miss them! Kurt and I will have a whole week off and we'll even celebrate our first wedding anniversary. I can't believe how time just waits for no one.

I have one long day at work ahead of me now. Lots of conversations that I'm probably not going to enjoy having should be coming up, too, which is something I have to look forward to!

I'll report back.

Crossroads

2012-01-10T01:44:00.000-08:00

I guess we all see them at some point in time. I'm at a crossroad now. It is 4:30 in the morning on a Tuesday and I cannot stop running through decisions and consequences in my head. I'm struggling with the idea that not everything is going to be easy in life.

Work. Work is supposed to be just that, right? Work. Not play time. Not a social hour. Work is work. We are all hired to get a specific job done. Those who enjoy their place of work are lucky and should be grateful because, being truly happy at work is something that I'm sure we'd all jump through hoops for. However, I'm in no position to speak for others. As far as I go personally, I'd love to be able to go back to the days where work was something I enjoyed.

Here's the thing. We each have our own styles of management. I'm a friendly person. I have a very friendly management style. I believe that if I am not friendly with my co-workers, why would my co-workers have any reason to do things for me. Maybe I'm crazy to live that way but I've had success with it in the past. Yes, each circumstance is different. I know. However, I feel guilty betraying myself and my personal beliefs about the workplace. I guess, in the end, I'm thinking along the lines of giving respect to get respect. Doesn't sound hard, right? Wrong. That is turning out to be one of the most difficult ways of thinking I've come across.

Of course I won't be putting any specific details here due to confidentiality issues and a fear for my own job safety but, the bottom line is that I should be able to trust my employees to run the business as usual when I'm gone. We are all adults and we should act that way. The only thing I should ever be concerned with is whether or not things are getting processed correctly. There should never be any other sort of worry in my mind. All of those things that you read in your Employee Handbook and Code of Ethics that we laugh at, thinking about who was dumb enough to make those rules necessary, should never, EVER, be a concern of mine when I'm not present.

That's that.

Now, I'm here in bed, not sleeping, because I need to decide how to handle the situation. Do I break and change my management style for better, quicker results and continue to be miserable at work? Do I stick to my management style and patiently wait for people to change or to move on? Do I find a new job? I have people expecting things from me. I need to deliver. I cannot deliver when I have people that are supposed to be working for me not doing what needs to be done.

I think that I'm going to have a formal conversation with each one of my employees the next time I see them and I'm going to explain to them just that. Honesty is hopefully going to get me somewhere here. Somewhere or nowhere...

I'll report back.

Welcome

2011-12-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

It feels like I'm watching re-runs on t.v. sometimes. Haven't I seen this before? Haven't I tried to listen to this before? I'm pretty sure I've been here, done this before.

Oh, right. That's because I have.

Well, what's another shot at it? I mean, who knows? Maybe this time I'll become as successful as I want to be. Try, try again, right?

I have blogged in the past and I would like to do it again. I'm not trying to fill a void or save the world or spread a message. I'm just getting some stuff off of my mind and I'm using the time I spend here on me. I enjoy writing and I need some more "enjoying" time in my life.

So that's the story I'm going to stick with. Good. That's the hard part. And the hard part is now done.